?

Log in

entries friends calendar profile Back Back
Can't help but feeling I could blow through the ceiling.
(jigsaw falling into place)
deathofone
The stray kitty has been named. I suggested Hugo in honour of Hurley (aka Hugo Reyes) from Lost, to match the laid-back personality. Then Mom suggested Hue, because it'd be a cute name for the cat of an artist.

Thus, HueGo was born from my odd brain.

Shush. I like it.

Do not be surprised if HueGo gets adopted by us. He's visited every day, often a couple of times. None of us sisters have even so much as hinted at taking him in, but Mom's been making many comments about what a sweetheart he is, how he's being fed by us daily, been named, and is getting closer to getting in our door. Figuratively speaking, since he walks right up to the door already in reality. I would obviously love if we took him in, but it won't be my fault!

Tags: ,
Feeling: amused amused

5 comments / Leave a note
deathofone
Yay, the stray kitty came by again. I was at the kitchen sink and glanced up.. to see a pair of kitty feet on the outside sill of the window! I lifted up the blinds and there he was, just silently saying hi. So I went outside with some cat food and fed him. He was obviously hungry, going through a couple small plates. He paused frequently to get attention from me, so I don't think he ended up bolting down the food too quickly that way. Don't want him getting an upset tummy, after all. I also put some high-calorie gel in there for underweight cats and dogs. He could use a little boost, the poor skinny guy.

Next, to name him. Teehee.

Mom was watching Cats 101 on Animal Planet and it went into Siamese cats. She saw a flash of the Lynx Siamese and excitedly told me that I'd have to look it up later, because she thought that's what Sasha (the family cat) is. We've come across some cat breeds here and there that we thought were similar, but not enough. We've figured she's some sort of exotic, as she has huge, intense blue eyes. She's gorgeous, to say the least. She certainly has the Siamese personality, too.

I looked up the Lynx Siamese and.. bam. Totally her. I'm 100% certain that she's purebred even, because she just fits completely. I wish I had a pic to show in comparison, but honestly, there wouldn't be any difference anyway. The markings, colour, everything is spot on. It's very cool to have found out.

Here's some general Lynx Siamese pictures though. I'd think the first one WAS her, if it had the darker back and ears of the last one.Collapse )

Tags: ,
Feeling: creative creative

3 comments / Leave a note
deathofone
My lovely friend, christinerains, is also an excellent writer and has just had a book released! The Deep Dim can be found through Mystic Moon Press! You can either go to her author page - Christine Rains - and click to buy it or go through the bookstore. A print version will also be released soon.


Kanys Clay lives in the darkness because any sort of light brings spirits to her. Yet one ghost has managed to charm his way into her home in the country. Coel has penetrated her lonely seclusion, bringing her new life and love even though he is dead. He coaxes the fragile beauty to come to the city and solve the riddle of his existence. She cannot refuse him. Through their investigation, Kanys learns not only who he had been and how he had died, but she discovers her own strange past and how to deal with her unique sight that frightens her so.

Tags:
Feeling: excited excited

1 comment / Leave a note
deathofone
Mom and I have to go to the unemployment offices tomorrow today. Although I know I am utterly incapable of working, I am not legally disabled yet... and that's what really counts to them. Therefore I have to submit to their orientation shit and 'try to look for a job' in order for me to count as an extra number towards Mom's food stamps. Yep. We're going as soon as possible in the morning and I haven't been nearly tired enough to manage any sleep. So I'm just going to stay awake until then, struggle through, and collapse afterwards.

Reminds me of my working days. There were so many fucking times that I was dealing with insomnia and chose to simply stay awake rather than catch a scant few hours. That tiny bit of sleep would doom me to dragging far worse for the whole work shift. It was better to go with the crazy overtired, wired energy alternating with zoning out that came from staying up.

It is times like this that I really wish caffeine had any result on me though. Instead, I will drink coffee and pretend.


The Quiet World
Jeffrey McDaniel

In an effort to get people to look
into each other's eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn't respond,
I know she's used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

Tags: , ,
Feeling: blah blah

Leave a note
deathofone
A long rant, including personal experiences.Collapse )

Tags: , , , ,

Leave a note
deathofone
Few days ago I went to one of my sisters' chorus shows. They dance, they sing, they wear sequins. If they were taller (they're 5'2 and 5'3, freakishly short :P), they'd be all set for Vegas.

Before they just had these sparkly pink dresses. A hot pink that I can't enjoy even with my newly developed love of pink. Now they've added a new set of dresses that they change into midway through. They are very, very gold and full of big sequins. Incredibly shiny, blinding sequins. They're also highly amusing, because I can hear whenever a chorus girl is approaching from a mile away now. There's the great sound of bouncing, loudly clattering sequins.

I have decided that any event that includes a guy with an afro automatically becomes at least five times better. Maybe more. He also tended to throw on this goofy big smile when he was doing dance moves that made each move really hilarious to me. I found myself watching him the whole time and trying not to laugh too hard. Seriously, just imagine a black kid tossing his arms out wide, doing a kick, and all with this 'fro and a big grin. Tell me that doesn't make you crack up. It's priceless. And not racist at all, dammit. Because I'd be laughing just as much for a white kid with a 'fro. Trust me, they exist.

He was in the group after my sisters, so no, I wasn't so crappy of a sister that I ignored them the entire time they were on stage! Go me.

Tags: ,
Feeling: sore sore

Leave a note
deathofone
I showed up at a doctor appointment with my sisters and a guy (I really don't know who, though he was a friend in dreamworld.) We were sitting outside on a hill, waiting for the appointment time to arrive. I was more nervous about a dr appointment that I had next week -- in fact, very nervous. I was almost crying, having a hard time breathing. I tried to explain to them why it was such a terrible appointment. Something about what they were testing for and there was an hour's drive there, then probably at least a couple stressful hours at the dr itself, and an hour back! The time I was losing to it was really getting to me, for some reason.

Eventually, we went into the dr office. We were a couple minutes early, but the secretary was annoyed to discover that I hadn't already filled out some forms. She was even more annoyed to learn that we'd been sitting around outside when I could've come in and filled out the forms. I was getting very frustrated and telling her I was on time. The doctor popped out of nowhere and looked just like one of my art professors, Bob, from college. He said something about me being on a painkiller called Fenadine. I was confused and started insisting that I wasn't on any meds, I didn't even have the insurance to cover them!

Then everything transitioned to me looking at a website that talked about the doctor. It said that he'd been known in the past for taking speed, especially while he played video games. It was suspected that he still used drugs inappropriately. (I have no clue how any of that had any relevance though...)
---------

Hmm, the drive length and such to the future doctor appointment that I was nervous about matches up exactly with a lawyer appointment I have set up this week. Coincidence? I doubt it. I also have some forms to fill out for the lawyer that have been stressing me out because it's practically as much stupid info as I had to give for the disability application. And my hands haven't been up to writing much, so filling them out is going slow.

Not hard to interpret much of that dream.

Tags: ,
Feeling: tired tired
Hearing: Passion Pit - Live to Tell the Tale

Leave a note
deathofone
I had a dream where there were two HUGE centipedes in the kitchen. Longer than and as thick as my forearm, mostly black with some minor white markings. I was asking my sisters where the hell they had come from and Vi cheerfully said, "Oh, they were in the bag of bananas!" I demanded to know why they had brought the bag in without getting rid of the centipedes first and they just shrugged at me. I was deeply confused/filled with rage as to how these centipedes that were easily bigger than the bananas themselves had been no big concern to my sisters to carry into the house.

Then Tsume started battling the centipedes. In retrospect, it's rather hilarious, but I was still terrified of these huge things in my dream. So I was trying to encourage him to take them out and he was awkwardly jumping all over the kitchen counter, taking bites at their heads. Heh. One of them clutched at my arm once and it was really creepy to feel all these legs grasping at my skin. Ick. There was one point where I was holding Tsume at one of the centipedes like he was my furry little weapon while I was sort of hiding behind him. Real brave of me. My kitty, the bodyguard.

Good to know I'm a wuss even in dreamland. When I woke up, I envisioned grabbing a meat cleaver or something and chopping those mofos up like the warrior chick I should be. But I don't think it really counts when you've woken up already... :(

Tags: , , ,
Feeling: predatory predatory

Leave a note
deathofone
I keep having bad coughing fits (yay for illness leftovers) that leave me lightheaded. But I sort of like being lightheaded -- similarly, I also find dizziness enjoyable, unless it's the type accompanied by nausea or something. I don't really understand why people act like these are bad things to experience. They're fun!... right? Maybe that's just me. I was totally the kid that would spin like crazy in the backyard in order to collapse to the ground afterwards and giggle over feeling dizzy.

So I guess I'm only complaining because I'd like to cut out the pesky middle man (y'know, the coughing).

Tags: , ,
Feeling: silly silly

Leave a note
deathofone
Last night, I was lying on my side in bed and playing my DS. Then I started drifting off and got woken back up by the DS smacking me in the face. Pretty hard, too!

I took that as a signal that it was time to stop playing and go to sleep. I think I laughed at myself right up until I passed out again.

Tags: , ,
Feeling: amused amused

Leave a note
deathofone
I keep typing things out and then just deleting it all. Nothing seems right to say.

My latest musical kick seems to be Atreyu. I've been listening to most of their album 'Lead Sails Paper Anchor' on repeat at levels of volume that are probably quite unhealthy. I always logic to myself that my turning the sound up gradually and letting my ears adjust to it instead of blasting it immediately is some cool compromise that will save my hearing. But I'm sure I'm totally lying to myself.

Once those delicate little hearing hairs in your ear are snuffed out of existence, they're gone forever. Do I care? It doesn't seem so. Will I kick myself years from now and regret that I didn't take better care of myself? Maybe. Guess I gotta survive that long first. Right. Ha. I guess I also have to want to live that long before I'll care in the first place.

Tags:
Feeling: melancholy melancholy

Leave a note
deathofone
Due to my illness, I've been asleep far more than I've been awake. I think I was awake for maybe 6 hours out of the past 24. It's the most sleep I've gotten in maybe ever, but I'm still exhausted. Here's a couple of the dreams I had though. The second is particularly weird.

from sky to landCollapse )

Tags: ,

Leave a note
deathofone
Oh, if I had the icon space on LJ, I'd go absolutely nuts. If I actually had the money, I could possiblymaybe see somehow reasoning to myself that my life would be greatly improved by being able to have 100 icons. I need constant change in my visual stimulation. I'm always rotating out my icons and have to resist doing that even more often than I do. I change my desktop picture at least weekly. Thank goodness I don't let my passions go to interior design or something.

We went to the college library again yesterday and this time brought our own headphones. Success! I was able to enjoy the episodes so far of The Guild's season 2. Headphoned.

I have caught the cold that Geli's nearly done battling. I was reeeeally hoping not to get it, but I lose. For a couple of days, I've been having such bad coughing fits that it drives me to gagging at times, which always leaves me incredibly nauseous. Awesome! The other symptoms are slowly moving in. Stuffy nose, sneezing that's getting more frequent as the night wears on. The stuffy nose wasn't even noticeable for a while, on top of the constant allergy symptoms I already have in place. This is oddly going in the reverse of.. any other cold I've ever had. I typically start off with crazy nasal symptoms before it ever moves into my chest.

In playing FFTA2, I've learned that I'm addicted to the auctioning and it's probably a good thing that it only lasts for so long. I gave my clan the name Clan Elephant. Yeah.

Tags: , ,
Feeling: sick sick

Leave a note
deathofone

Even though I've been following Felicia Day (I fell in love with her through Dr. Horrible) on Twitter for a while, I only just checked out The Guild, a web series created and starred in by her.

Was that enough links for everyone?

Anyway, The Guild is hilarious. Unfortunately, I could only find the first season available on YouTube, and the only videos I can find of the second season play like absolute crap on my computer. So I'm stuck knowing there's a whole season awaiting me that I simply can't watch. Sigh.

We ended up at the 'good' library tonight, aka the college library with great internet speed. We typically enjoy watching videos here and whatnot... except that they've apparently decided to take away all their headphones and disable audio since we were last here. Grr. Retarded. Also, it doesn't make any sense, as I know a lot of college students have to use these computers exclusively and sometimes need to watch videos for a class or simply study better while listening to music. And what did it hurt anyone? It could've only worked for the purposes of good, I swear!

So I was planning on watching The Guild while here, but instead I'm just sitting around, pretty bored. Not even music. Great internet speed means nothing when you're only cruising e-mail. Total sadface.

Tags: , ,
Feeling: bored bored

Leave a note
deathofone
I got my letter of determination from the Social Security Administration today. I've been denied disability.

I expected it. I know they deny most people the first go around. But it's still really depressing. I'm going to appeal, of course. I just have to figure out if I should seek legal representation or something and where on earth to begin with that.

Oh, and my Mom just walked in the door. She got laid off from work.

Tags: , , , , ,
Feeling: indescribable indescribable

4 comments / Leave a note
deathofone
My dream was one of those where I wasn't really in it, I was just observing everything. A man had been in an accident and was in the hospital. He seemed to be comatose. His mother stayed at his bedside for much of the time, was begging for him to wake up and be all right. She would sing a few lines from a song to him every hour, on the hour. I heard each lyric distinctly and saw them written out in brown script through the air. I remember thinking that I'd never heard this song before and that it must have been created in my dream, but the words had left me by the time I was awake.

At some point, the mother leaves and comes back to find water creeping up the hospital stairs. Everyone swarms down to find the hospital flooding and her son is awake, head just above water. The room is almost entirely flooded with water, not much room left before his head's going to be hitting the ceiling. He was a handsome guy with black hair. He sings about everything that's been happening, which included mention of his mother's singing, where he also sang the bit of song she had sung, and I remember vaguely some stuff about hair smelling like sunshine.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Feeling: curious curious

Leave a note
deathofone
Geli: I am easily pleased.

Me: And easily amused. You know... you're pretty easy, Angelica.

Everyone laughed -- except Mom, though she looked somewhat amused. Maybe.

Me: It's Mom's worst nightmare! I'm sorry... it was too easy.

We all cracked up (even Mom, that time), though I apologized after for the terrible, horrible pun, because I really only realized what I was saying halfway through the sentence. But by then, I was committed.

Tags: , , ,
Feeling: dorky dorky

Leave a note
deathofone
I woke up, looked up... and saw a black spider bigger than my hand dangling from a thread above my bed. Luckily, closer to the ceiling than to me. I freaked, scrambling out of my bed while never taking my eyes off of it. Somewhere during my scramble, it simply disappeared.

It was a dream (nightmare). I have no clue when during it all I woke up for real. I might've woken up, had a strange half-asleep hallucination, or I might have been asleep until I was already out of bed, since that's when it disappeared. Either way, I ended up standing beside my bed, panting and all adrenaline shaken. I checked my bed anyway, even though the spider had obviously never existed. Then I laid back down and somehow managed to get back to sleep after a while.

DO NOT LIKE.

Tags: , ,
Feeling: cranky flustered

1 comment / Leave a note
deathofone
Today, I did some cleaning about the house. I'm realizing more and more how hard it is to judge the amount I should limit myself to. I can work and feel no severe pain, nothing getting particularly worse than the levels of pain I started out with... and then, a couple of hours later, it all hits. I was fine and then BAM, my legs were absolutely killing me. I could barely move and when I had to walk, it was a slow hobble.

This sort of thing happens a lot. Hmm. Some would call that a pattern. I have a hard time stopping myself when I get on a cleaning spree. I really wanted to get some more cleaning done tomorrow, but that certainly won't be happening. Christ.

Today was Epiphany. It's a Greek Christian holiday that my family calls 'Greek for a day', as a lot of students at school will take the day off, even if they're not Greek, just to get the time off. I believe it's a celebration of the manifestation of God as Jesus Christ. There's a blessing of the waters and then they toss a cross into the water and a bunch of Greek boys go diving to see which one will be able to retrieve it.

Tarpon Springs is the town with the biggest Greek population of the US, so it's a pretty big deal here. Greeks come from all over out of town to attend, apparently, and there were news helicopters flying overhead for a good part of the day. It happens right in the bayou across the street from my house. The event itself is a handful of blocks away though, so I didn't get to see anything.

Tags: , , , , ,
Feeling: sore sore

Leave a note
deathofone
I've been reading poetry anthologies, grabbing various ones from the library. It's been a while since I've done this and I forgot how much I love it. It's a really good way for me to find a variety of poets to enjoy. Like sampling from a bakery. I've been putting a sticky note on the inside cover and then writing down any poet and poem that I fall in love with as I go along. I'll have to see if I can track down more from those poets in the future. A few on that list: Rick Barot, Paul Beatty, Rafael Campo, Denise Duhamel, Jeffrey McDaniel, Ruth L. Schwartz.

Reading so much poetry does strange things to my thinking. Everything becomes a poem. Simple things become deeper, take on interesting wording in my head. Sometimes sentences in my head start taking on little pauses as I unconsciously tag in line breaks. It's amusing. It makes things more interesting inside my head.

I'm thinking about making a small website to try and get out there a bit more. Just the free one through google, probably. I don't like to put up poetry anywhere public, especially as a lot of places that look for poetry submissions count websites and blogs as previously published. Most places avoid anything that's been previously published. Unsurprisingly. But I could put up any of my poems that have already been published somewhere. Granted, that's only two poems, at the moment, but even that's enough to give a sampling of my work -- and with luck, I'll be able to add up more in the future. And, of course, I could eventually expand it to be a website for my writing, in general, and maybe my art.

Tags: , , , ,
Feeling: creative creative
Hearing: Porcupine Tree - Halo

Leave a note