User Profile

She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her I didn't, and crawled off to sleep in the bath.



"As the body develops, the volume of pain increases proportionately." -- spoken by Creta Kano in 'The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle,' by Haruki Murakami.


My artwork at DeviantArt - ThisProteanSoul
My personal Twitter - @ColourShock

A Twitter I share with my friend Sarah.
Here we make teeny tiny stories.
@epigraph

Music - Last.fm / Books - Shelfari
MySpace


Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.



And of course Henry The Horse dances the waltz!


[ About this journal ]
I'm honestly a bit paranoid about who I let read my journal fully, especially if your own journal isn't going to reveal much to me. So if you add me, I'd appreciate if you also send me a message introducing yourself. There's various filters in place on my journal and I only make a small amount of public entries. Once you friend and message me, I'll let you know what filters exist and ask which you would like to be added to. Simple as that.

I often talk of chronic pain, depression, social problems, self-injury, etc. Anything potentially triggery is kept to appropriate filters, so they're easy enough to choose to avoid. If it's going to be something particularly graphic, I try to include a warning as well.

I can be wordy.


[ About myself ]
My name is Azure -- pronounced azh-er. The nicknames used on me most include Azu, Az, Arizona, Zona, Z, and Blue. I'm 24 years old, in the process of getting a divorce and trying to get onto disability.

I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type III, asthma, chronic headaches, allergies, and Auditory Processing Disorder.

As to the mental aspect, I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociative Disorder, depression, mild Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and constant sleeping troubles.

I'm an individualist. A freethinker. Bisexual, which doesn't go away just because I'm dating a guy. An atheist and an animist.

I live for music. It's a very big part of the things that help me get through each day and I'm now striving to learn more and more about it, and to be more involved in it (such as trying to play instruments badly). I love writing (poetry and stories), drawing, appreciating other art, gaming, and a film and television addict. I am an extreme bookworm. The idea of not reading every day is incredibly weird to me.


This madness (my word for it, not his) he felt was, in part, the cost of so much time spent seeing things too clearly. It's a cost most people know instinctively is too high. "The illumination is not worth the candle," my father writes wryly. So most of us get by by not seeing things too clearly.
-- from "Seven Types of Ambiguity" by Elliot Perlman




"This beach was a little too quiet for a person to visit alone, a little too beautiful. It made me imagine a certain way of dying."
-- from 'Sputnik Sweetheart' by Haruki Murakami.


Black Cat
Rainer Maria Rilke


A ghost, though invisible, still is like a place
your sight can knock on, echoing; but here
within this thick black pelt, your strongest gaze
will be absorbed and utterly disappear:

just as a raving madman, when nothing else
can ease him, charges into his dark night
howling, pounds on the padded wall, and feels
the rage being taken in and pacified.

She seems to hide all looks that have ever fallen
into her, so that, like an audience,
she can look them over, menacing and sullen,
and curl to sleep with them. But all at once

as if awakened, she turns her face to yours;
and with a shock, you see yourself, tiny,
inside the golden amber of her eyeballs
suspended, like a prehistoric fly.


(Translated by Stephen Mitchell)

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